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The following is a vent. If you do not like reading vents, I suggest you keep on walking and don't look back.
Then, after a few weeks of not being in a relationship, I've come to terms that, there's nothing keeping me here except for my job.
There's nothing keeping me here except for my job. Do you know how odd that is to hear? I've bounced from relationship to relationship for the past 8 years-the majority of them were online, and long distance, but they were still a relationship. They were mine to be with.
After 8 years, of being one type of person, and you're suddenly left with being a different person, with no one to fall back on, no one to be with and to keep you in one place, it's suddenly become so mundane and life drudges. There's nothing to really put my energy to; art requires me to be in one place for too long, and even though my friends are there, they're just my friends.
I love my friends to bits, they're like my brothers, and I care for each of them deeply and unconditionally, but they live their lives too. After so long of living your life for others, coming to that realization that others won't do the same for you, and there should be no expectations for that, it leaves this grubby, messy hole where stability once was.
So, I've been having the hardest time of staying at home. Home is becoming not-home for me, and every day I think about my life and how it's turning out, the less home becomes not-home for me. I don't want to be here, I don't want to keep on coming home to a place where I feel strained at, and my heart feels heavy.
I want to run. I want to take my money that I have in savings, and just drive until I can't drive anymore. It's stupid, and reckless, and childish, and completely out of character, but damn it, I want to run. I want to run away until I can't see the horizon, until I find something that's my own. I want to find my person, my place in the stars, and I want to live carelessly until someone can make me care again.
I'm scared to find myself, to live for myself, because what happens if I fail myself?
Closing Out
Hello everyone.
I am writing this, with a heavy heart, that I am closing out this account. I'm still going to keep this up, since I've had it since back in '06, but I will no longer be logging in and managing this account.
I will open a new one, most likely under the name of SEMstudios, or something to that tune, but at the end of the day I know that this account has been coming to a grinding halt for a while now. There are a few key reasons; mainly I don't have the time to manage this account nor the willpower to take on something I've had as more of a crutch than something I want to show the world and be proud of.
As stated previously, I
Updates
*waves* hey there everyone, how's it going?
I know I've been pretty absent, which is a pattern for me I know. I don't intend on putting deviantart on the back burner, and be completely absent from anything and everything that is it. I would love to participate in tournaments, and have free time to do that, but alas, that is not the case. Between work, school, and being in a relationship, my free time is spread quite thin. I do miss my devart friends, however many of you are still lingering around and haven't found more involved people, which I fully understand since I know I'm not the best person to have as a friend in the first place. I do
It's that time again~
~ to write an update journal.
SO. What's up everyone? Life good? How'd semester go for all of you that are in classes? Good? If not, it's okay bro, you'll get them next time.
As for me, the reason why I haven't updated my audition for angels ascended, is because I threw myself into my final. If anyone wants to see it then chime in, it's not fully done, but it's a 30 second animation involving Moza and Drake. Half done, half rough draft, a bit quick paced, no sound, but I still got a round of applause, SO THAT'S GOOD RIGHT??
Wooo first actual animation. And A's in both my classes. I'm on a roll.
Anyways.
I'm going to continue my audition
Update from the plane of non-existence
Hi guys!
Just wanted to let you know that I'm still kicking, and even though I've been doing the monster-girl challenge thing-a-ma-bob, life is trying to take that away from me.
Basically, whenever I THINK I have time for things, like awesome tourney participations, and being able to do awesome thing in my rapidly shrinking free time, it gives me a big bag of 'nopes' and hits me over the head with it.
u (https://www.deviantart.com/u)@ So, I gotta disappear into the plane of non-existence, when it comes to things I want to do at least.
But! On the plus side! I'm part of a studio project! That's exciting! And I'll post up homework that I'm pretty proud of, and possibly
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Comments4
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You can't fail yourself unless you stop trying to move forward and just give up. So go out there and make mistakes and learn from them so you can recognize them when you make them again. :'D You gotta live for yourself. So go out and make more awesome friends, do stupid things and find a place that feels like home.